Seasons

I've had a bit of writer's block lately.  Either that, or I have too much going on in my brain to be able to write anything that makes sense.  I think the latter is the true statement.  I have had much physical pain these last few months, which also makes it difficult to write.  However, writing what is on my heart seems to help.

I am very much what you might call a "people pleaser."  I want to make people happy, I want to help them in any way I can, I want to see them succeed.  I want to do my job and do it well.  What I've realized over the course of the past year is that in striving to please others, I've forgotten about myself.  It's easy to do when you're a mother, that's for sure.  But right now I'm talking about life in general, not motherhood.  People who are people pleasers also tend to be perfectionists.  They struggle with self-doubt and take on guilt if they don't complete a task, especially if they let someone down.  They worry that they are never good enough, or smart enough.  They worry about a lot of things.  As I've mentioned in previous posts, worry can do all kinds of negative things to your body.  The mind and the body are very much connected to each other.

The question I've been asking myself this week is, "Who am I trying to please, and why?"  The only person I truly need to be concerned with pleasing is Jesus.  That's not to say, "To heck with everyone else!  I'm just gonna please God and not worry about people."  Of course I'm going to keep loving my husband and my daughters.  Of course I'm going to keep helping and serving people.  It's how God designed me.  What I'm saying is that my focus has been in the wrong place.  I've been focused more on what people think of me right now rather than what I can be doing to please God.  But you know what I've realized?  It doesn't take much to please God.  What he wants from us is devotion to Him, our praise, thanksgiving, and an open heart.  Well, I can do that from my bed or couch.  : )

I've been feeling pretty useless in the ministry department these days.  I haven't made it to church much because I've been in so much pain.  I've been more concerned with what people think of that than what God thinks of that.  The truth is, it doesn't matter what people think.  I would much rather be in church than in bed.  God knows that, and that's what matters.  We go through seasons in life.  Some are longer and more difficult than others.  What God is looking for in us is how we respond to these seasons.  Do we lie around and feel sorry for ourselves?  Do we whine and pout to him about how unfair it is?  Do we kick and scream and demand that he give us an immediate answer to our questions about why we're in the season?  Or do we throw up our hands in worship and thank him that we are alive?  Thank him for our many, many blessings...  Thank him for our home and our family. 

As I go through this season, I've had many moments where I've "lost it", so to speak.  I've cried out to the Lord to rescue me from this pain and heal me.  There is nothing wrong with brokenness before the Lord.  He wants us to be honest with him.  However, even though there have been times where I've been angry and frustrated at the situation, I've never been angry with God.  He loves me.  His ways are a mystery to me, but I know they are higher than mine and that He has the answers.  He knows the big picture.  My job is to trust him, not to question him.

Whatever season you find yourself in right now, be it good or bad, always praise and thank the Lord.  He is just as worthy of our praise in the most difficult of seasons as he is in the most wonderful.  He loves you and he will never leave you.  His promises are true.  Ask the Lord to remind you of visions and dreams that he's given you.  If he's never given you any, ask him to.  He longs to give you the desires of your heart.  He will bring you out of your difficult season.  So start dreaming...