Much has happened since my last blog post. Rather than get into all the details, I will just share with you what I've been learning. The main thing I've learned is that God is truly with me, no matter how bad my circumstances are. He has shown his great love to me over and over again these past few weeks and I have no doubt of his compassion for me.
I think there are times in our lives where we are forced to make a choice about what we really believe. Do we really trust God? Do we really believe what His Word says? Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Our circumstances will change, we may change, but He never does...and neither does His Word. As much as I have disliked what I've been going through, I think it has been absolutely necessary. My faith has been tested, and I truly believe I'm passing the test.
I hate uncertainty. It causes me anxiety which, if I don't catch it right away, spirals into a deep panic attack. What I've learned is that even when things are uncertain, when I have no idea what's going to happen next, God does. He has me in his grip at all times. Therefore, I should not fear what's coming next. Psalm 73:23-26 says, "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
God is holding my hand always. He will guide me and counsel me through this life and then he will take me to Heaven to live with him forever. I will never be without him. Even though my body and my heart may fail me, God is my strength. He has made that known to me these past few weeks as my body has "failed" me. Yet, even as my body has been weak, my spirit has been made strong.
Having faith does not mean that all your problems disappear instantly. Even as I type this, my throat is tight and anxiety is trying to creep in because I'm dealing with vertigo again today. Vertigo is very unsettling and scary. In my case, faith means that I am believing with all my heart that God has healed me even though I am not seeing the full evidence of it. I know that I am healed, now I am walking it out by faith. I'm trusting in God's promises. "The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down." ~ Psalm 145:13-14. God is ready and willing to carry our burdens for us. What we have to do is let go of them and give them to him.
We have a lot of uncertainty in the world right now, let alone our own personal struggles. When the news announcement was made that Osama Bin Laden was killed, I have to admit that I had some anxiety. I was happy that he had been brought to justice, but thought to myself, "OK, what does this mean for us now?" However, what usually would have weighed me down with worry and fear for several days didn't even make it into the next day. I was fully able to give it to God and not worry about it anymore. After all, why worry about something I have absolutely no control over? That was huge for me though because that's how I've always been. I've always hated the feeling of not being in control. But, not so much anymore. I realized that I was putting more faith in myself and my own strength than in God. How silly is that? Why would I trust my own fragile self more than the God who created the entire universe? I'll tell you why. Because that is what we humans do! We were designed to think, to create, to be problem solvers, to survive. Those are all good things. But when they take over and overshadow our reliance on God, they become things that tear us apart inside and we feel frustrated, defeated, and overwhelmed.
I have to admit, it's a little harder to give physical pain over to the Lord completely when it's staring you in the face every day. That's been the biggest struggle of all for me. I have not arrived at the place I want to be in my faith regarding this subject, but I am well on my way. It's OK to give something to the Lord over and over again. You are not a failure if you can't give it to him the first time and leave it at his feet for good. Some things are much more difficult to hand over than others. What we need to do is realize when we are holding onto something and trying to control the situation in our own strength, and then as soon as we realize it, hand it over to him right away. If that has to happen 100 times a day, so be it. Eventually we will know when we've given it to him completely, and then peace will come.
I am also going to stop feeling guilty about asking for help when I need it. I know that when the situation is reversed and someone needs my help, I will be there.
If you are struggling right now, keep in mind that you are not alone. Don't try to do this life in your own strength. You will just wear yourself out. Give Jesus your burdens, your hurts, your fears, your pain...let him carry them for you. He has compassion on you and he loves you.
No comments:
Post a Comment