Conviction Bites

Several weeks ago, my Mom shared a couple of quotes with me from a conference she was attending that day.  I've been thinking about them ever since and wanted to share them with you.

"If you always think the way you've always thought, then you will always get what you have always got."

"If you want something you've never had, then you have to do something that you've never done."

The first quote has been on my mind the most.  I've been doing a lot of thinking about my thinking.  I've realized some things and have been convicted this week about my thought life.  It's not that I'm thinking all sorts of evil thoughts or anything like that.  It's the thoughts about my circumstances, my health, my parenting abilities, my ability to be a good wife, etc.  The thoughts are more like fears and doubts and things from my past that are keeping me in my past.  If I keep thinking this way then how can I expect my circumstances, my health, my parenting, my marriage, or any other area of my life to be any different than how they already are?  If I want things to change then I have to change my thinking.

I've mentioned this subject in previous posts, but not to the full extent that I've wanted to talk about.  Our minds are so very powerful.  Our thoughts really do matter.  You could be having a really bad day, but be totally calm and peaceful in your mind.  The opposite is also true.  You could be having a seemingly good day without many problems, but your mind can be a tangled and dark mess.  I've had both kinds of days.  Then there are days when my thoughts completely take over and can even change what started out as a great day into a horrible day, just because of my thoughts!  Our words are powerful.  Not just what we say to others, but what we say to ourselves.  We can be just as destructive to our own life with the the wrong words we speak to ourselves as we can with words we speak to others...sometimes even more so.  I know that there have been days where I've completely sabotaged myself with negative thoughts.  Sometimes it begins with a comment from my husband, or something I read on Facebook.  It's usually something small and really not a big deal, but then my mind takes over and before I know it I'm in a horrible mood that nothing can shake me out of.  Aside from ruining my own day, I've then ruined my family's day as well.  You know the saying, "If mama ain't happy, no body's happy!"?  Well, it's really true.  I'm amazed at how my attitude affects my entire household.  And I've been convicted.

Conviction bites.  It's not fun.  However, it's necessary for growth and positive change.  What we have to do is get past the feelings of guilt, shame, anger, rebellion, or whatever it is that we feel when we're convicted, so that we can move on to forgiving ourselves and move towards changing for the better.  I don't know about you, but when I get convicted, I get angry before I get repentant.  Not angry at the Holy Spirit for convicting me, no, because He loves me and that's why he brings gentle correction.  I get angry with myself for how stupid I've been in letting certain behaviors continue; some for many years.  So, it usually takes me a little while to process that anger towards myself and then I fall on my knees and ask God to forgive me and then help me to change.  There have been two issues this week that I have been majorly convicted of.  I won't share them with you because they are very personal to me, but they are big issues that have greatly impacted my life and the life of my family I'm sure.  I got very angry at myself for being so blind and not recognizing the fact that I'd been letting the enemy rob me for so long.  But, you want to know the good news?  There is redemption!

Job 5:17-18 says, “Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.  For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal."  In the context of this passage of scripture, Job's friend was right in saying what he said, but his advice didn't apply to Job's situation.  Job wasn't suffering because of some major sin in his life and I don't believe I'm suffering because of some major sin in my life either.  But, I do think I've suffered some things for lack of conviction in my life.  God allows things to happen to us for reasons that are usually unknown to us, and sometimes we need to have these "Aha!" moments of conviction to turn us around and get back on the right track.  In my case, these particular convictions felt like a slap in the face when the light bulb went on.  It hurt.  But pain can help us grow.  My eyes were suddenly opened to things that I would think I'd have gotten a clue about long before I actually got a clue.  But, we are just "sheep" after all, right?  :)  God wants us to look inward, not outward.  Our inward will always affect our outward.

Proverbs 10:17 says, "He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray."  The Message says, "The road to life is a disciplined life; ignore correction and you're lost for good."  The Amplified Bible says, "He who heeds instruction and correction is [not only himself] in the way of life [but also] is a way of life for others.  And he who neglects or refuses reproof [not only himself] goes astray [but also] causes to err and is a path toward ruin for others."  Yikes!  Maybe that's why the conviction hit me so hard.  I realized that by my not being disciplined in my thoughts, it led to actions that caused people close to me to have issues as well.  I think that was the worst part of all.  Not that I was hurting, but that in my hurting, I had hurt others.  I think that's when you know for sure that you are repentant.  When your focus shifts from the "Poor me, I'm a victim..." thinking to thinking of how that attitude hurt someone very dear to you.  And then from there, your thinking immediately goes to, "OK, how can I fix this?  How can I make it right again?  Dear God, please help me make this right again."  Then He does.  God responds to a repentant heart.  He redeems.

It is very important to respond immediately to correction from the Holy Spirit.  Proverbs 12:1 pretty much says it all.  "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid."  If we want knowledge and understanding about why certain areas of our lives aren't going as well as we would like them to be, then we should ask God for knowledge.  If in asking for knowledge, he answers with correction, then we best heed that correction.  It would be stupid not to!  The Lord disciplines those he loves.  Proverbs 13:18 says, "Whoever disregards discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored."  God will honor your willingness to be corrected and then help you achieve the change necessary to turn your situation around.  Proverbs 15:5 says, "A fool spurns a parent’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence."  It's the same way we as parents discipline our children.  We discipline them because we love them.  When they heed our correction, they are rewarded for honoring their parents.  When they rebel, then it brings further or even harsher correction.  I certainly do not want any more correction than is necessary.  So, I chose not to rebel against God when I got the "face slap" a couple days ago.  Instead, I allowed myself to be angry and sad for a little bit, and then immediately forgave myself and turned to God for the next step...redemption.

"For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it [a harvest of fruit which consists in righteousness--in conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living and right standing with God]." ~ Hebrews 12:11 (The Amplified Bible)

God loves me so much that he will continue to discipline me and mold me into a person who will be effective.  A person who will encourage others and not tear them down.  A person who will bring glory to Him in all areas of my life.  A person who will be a wife and a mother worthy of honor from her husband and children.  A person after God's own heart.  Conviction bites.  But, it's a good thing.  A very good thing indeed.