Make A Wish

I'm going to be 35 years old tomorrow.  Do you ever have those moments where your age just kind of hits you in the face?  I'm not saying I'm old, but I think this birthday is hitting me a little harder than in the past.  Maybe because I thought by now that I would have accomplished certain things, and I haven't...yet.  I remember when my parents were 35.  Now, that's weird.  I was 14 years old.  Our family went through some major heartache at that time and I remember watching the agony that my parents went through.  In truth, if I had the kind of pressure on me right now that my parents had on them, I'm not sure how I would handle it.  My parents were very strong and amazing people then, and they are even stronger and more amazing now.  My girls may not remember what I am like right now, but in all honesty, I kind of hope they don't.

This has been a very rough year for me.  I won't bore you with the details, but there have been way too many times when my girls have seen me cry...and way too many "get well mommy" cards given to me by my babies, especially Hailey.  It has broken my heart time and time again when they have asked if I will take them to the park, or the mall, or anywhere, and I haven't been able to.  I have seen and felt their disappointment.  The same goes for my wonderful husband.  He is amazing and I am so thankful for him.  He takes care of me no matter what and truly lives up to the "in sickness and in health" part of our wedding vows.  The same also goes for my friends.  They have been such a support to me as I've battled with all these physical issues.  They have brought meals, watched my girls, picked them up from school, sent me cards, stopped by with flowers, left gifts on my doorstep...the list goes on and on.  I am so grateful for them.  My parents and sisters and extended family have also been incredibly supportive from afar.  They pray for me on the phone and make me laugh.  They send me cards to let me know I'm in their thoughts and prayers.  I love my family and I love my friends.  But, no matter how much my family and friends support me, I want this to be over.  That's just the honest truth.

I am thankful for what the Lord has been teaching me, and I will continue to praise him no matter what comes my way.  I will always trust him.  Sometimes it's easy to be brave and put on a happy face, and other days it's pretty dang hard.  I made a decision last fall that I was going to be honest with my friends about what I've been dealing with.  For the most part, I think it was a smart move.  Why lie to people?  There are those who know the details and those I've chosen not to share a lot with, but people deserve the truth.  They deserve to know what you're going through, especially if they ask how they can pray for you.  Tell them how they can pray!  You don't have to give all the details, and you don't have to go around talking about your problems to everyone you meet.  But tell the people you're close to how they can pray.  They're asking because they care about you.  And let the other people know the gist of what's going on so that they don't come to their own conclusions.  I've learned that lesson the hard way.

I will blow out some candles on my gluten and dairy free birthday cake tomorrow and make a wish.  They say if you tell your wish it won't come true, but I will tell you what I'm wishing for anyway.  I wish for the day when I wake up with no pain and no vertigo.  I wish to be able to take my kids wherever they want to go.  I wish for blessings to be heaped on my family and friends for all their prayers and support.  I wish peace and comfort for all of the people in my life who are suffering, as well as for those I don't know.  I wish for wisdom and discernment.  I wish to make a difference in the lives of the people who have been trafficked and enslaved.  I wish for the salvation of all the people in my world who don't follow Jesus, as well as the rest of the world.  I wish for them to know the freedom that comes from living their life dedicated to him.  I wish for people's eyes to be opened to what is happening in the world right now.  I wish for the local churches around the world to grow and grow.  I wish for many things, but they are more than wishes.  They are prayers.  They are prayers that have been prayed to a living God who hears each and every one of them.  They are prayers that I believe will be answered, and wishes that I believe will come true.  What do you wish for?