It's been a couple months since my last post. Much has been going on with my family, both immediate and extended, and also with me. It's been a bit overwhelming at times and I'm really tired. Like, really tired. I think there are different levels of tiredness. You can be physically tired, mentally tired, emotionally tired, and spiritually tired... just usually not all at the same time. I have hit a level of tiredness that encompasses all of those things, and even more it seems. I thank God that he has made me aware of this because when I am this exhausted, in every area I mentioned above, it makes me vulnerable to my enemy.
I don't want to be the "someone" my enemy is looking to devour. As it says in 1 Peter 5:8, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." No way am I going to become food for his dinner plate tonight. I may feel chewed up and spit back out already, but as long as I have air in my lungs I can fight and believe for the dreams that seem impossible from this vantage point. More importantly, I know Who is fighting for me...and I've finally learned to let him. I also know that not a single Word that comes from Him will return to him void. Every promise He has spoken to me, every promise he has given each of us as His children will come to pass. No matter what our enemy throws at us, we already have the victory through Jesus.
What I do when I am this tired is be still and know that He is God. I stop freaking out a lot sooner than I used to, put down my weak, human weapons and pick up the most important weapon I have... The Word of God.
Hebrews 4:12 - For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
I'm a pretty stubborn person. Kind of like the Israelites when they were wandering in the desert. If they would have just learned how to trust God the first time with no hesitation, grumbling, or complaining, they would have seen their promised land a lot sooner. God has revealed to me that I have done the same thing in my life in regards to one specific area. He has spoken to me many times about it over the last ten years or so, and I have finally done what he's asked me to do. I wrote eleven songs and, with the help of an incredibly talented dear friend, recorded nine of them last week, creating my first "raw" album. It's called, "The Healing Project." This has been a dream of mine since I was in high school and it feels amazing to have finally accomplished it.
As much as I wish I could have done this sooner, I had to go through a tremendous amount of suffering in order to birth these songs that God put in my heart. The songs tell my story. They tell of the incredible faithfulness of God. They come straight from my heart. As much as I want to hang on to them until they're "perfect", I believe I'm supposed to begin sharing them in their raw, unedited form. Of course, I will be working to find other musicians to add to the project, and a studio to record them professionally. But, I have no idea how long it will take to pull all of that together. God is asking me to humble myself completely and just start sharing them. This makes the perfectionist in me want to rise up and throw the biggest, pouting tantrum you've ever seen. But this project was never about me in the first place. It's about bringing glory to the God I love with my whole being.
So, with that being said, I'd like to introduce you to one of my songs. It's called "Carry You." I wrote this song at 5:00am during a time when I felt like I couldn't take another step. And yet, as I began to write, I felt faith rise up inside of me that no matter what season of life I'm in, I can choose to let Jesus carry me through it. Most of this album was recorded lying down with my swollen feet propped up, crying my way through it. Seriously. The glamorous visions I had in my head of the day I finally recorded my first album faded really quickly. But, what happened during the recording was miraculous. It was healing, and it was restoring. So, rest well tonight my friends. Let Him carry you. He will carry you... Click here to listen to "Carry You."