Parenting Is Hard

We did it! My Sarah is potty-trained! I say "we" because I think it was harder for me than it was for her. I truly believe, after going through the last four weeks, that potty training your child reveals your true character. Guess what? I sure didn't like what I saw at times. My character has some major flaws, in my opinion. I am telling you, the emotions that welled up in me were enough to push me over the edge for good! I was so frustrated one moment, and then jumping up and down clapping and cheering her on the next moment. It was a roller coaster ride that I never had to ride with my first daughter.

Hailey was extremely easy to potty train. It happened in about 3 days and there were very few accidents and very few tantrums. There was no fear of pooping, and certainly no fear of peeing. (Excuse the terms, but hey, I am a mom.) I thought, "I can totally do this! I had no trouble at all with Hailey, so Sarah will be a piece of cake!" Well, I thought wrong. Sarah was more stubborn than I could ever imagine...to the point of holding her poop in for days at a time, screaming at me every five minutes for days on end about how bad her tummy hurt. Yet, she refused to go! We ended up at the Doctor for an x-ray of her tummy and wouldn't you know it? She was totally constipated! Duh! So, we got the powdery stuff and I mixed it in her juice and wa-la! Poop! After a few times of that, I think it trained her brain to register that it wasn't going to hurt every time she went.

As of today, she has had no accidents in 3 weeks and is going number one and number two on her own! She is dry every nap and almost every morning. I am so happy! And yet, a part of me is kind of sad too. She is growing up too fast. Last night was her first night in her big girl bed and she did great! She took a nap today and went right to sleep. No getting up 50 times like I fully expected. Hailey was the one we had to put back in bed over and over again. Sarah is perfectly content to just stay in bed and go to sleep. As much as you think you have parenting figured out, I've come to realize that I still don't have a clue! Some things are pretty basic and similar between my two kids, but for the most part, totally different. They are completely opposite personalities and, therefore, do completely opposite things.

Don't even get me started on discipline. What works for one child does not work for the other and it's a constant trial and error thing. To be honest, I hate it! I hate having to be consistent because it is so exhausting. And yet, it is SO necessary! Whenever I slack off and think, "Well, I'll let it go just this once," I end up paying for it big time later on. They know when you're tired and they push even harder when you let it show. It's their gift, I think, to see just how far they can go before mommy snaps. What I wouldn't give for a "cool-down" button that I could push whenever I feel like I'm going to lose it. You know, when you feel your blood boiling and you just want to put your fist through a wall? Yeah, not a good place to be when you have your sweet little 3-year old staring at you like, "Mommy is scary right now!" I don't want to scare my kids. But I know that I have at times, and that makes me sad.

I know that as parents, we all have those days. But, I am tired of making excuses for myself. I feel like I should be in time-out more than my kids some days. And maybe I should. The problem is, if I leave them alone for more than about ten minutes, they start fighting and then it starts the cycle all over again. I find myself asking the questions, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I get a grip? How can two little girls bring me to the point of total meltdown? Why can't I be like those 'other' moms who always have it together? Why do my kids fight so much when I'm raising them to love one another?" I don't really know the answers, other than, I guess I'm normal.

These days come and go. They are worse when I have other 'personal' factors that I have to weigh in. I am still working on not letting outside stresses affect how I am as a mom to my girls. It's a daily struggle for me though. I'm being really honest here. I am not a perfect mother, I am a tired mother. I am like the rest of the mothers I know, just doing my best to love my children and be the best parent I can be. I suppose that's all I can expect of myself, but I'd like to expect more. My kids are precious gifts from God. I have to remind myself of that every time I'm having one of those, "I'm not cut out for this!" moments. Of course I'm cut out for this! I truly don't believe that God would have entrusted me with these children if He didn't think I could handle it. Even though there are days when I wonder what I was thinking when I thought I could be a mother. I'm just keepin' it real folks.

The bottom line is, parenting is hard. Really hard. It's a commitment to God, your spouse, your kids, and to yourself that you are going to do whatever it takes to raise children who are good, honest, strong, healthy, loving, generous, kind, compassionate, etc., etc. It's an incredible responsibility that comes with many sleepless nights, many tears, and much joy. My kids have stirred up so many things in me, both good and bad. My prayer is that I will survive long enough to see the fruits of my labor. Lol! Seriously though, I am leaning on Jesus to help me be the best mommy I can be, for the rest of my life.