I've often wondered about just how personal I should let my blog be. After all, in the "cyber-world", there are creeps out there who are constantly looking for people to profile and then sabotage. On a totally different note, I'm bearing my soul to some of my closest friends and family members every single time I write. I run the risk of people disagreeing with me, looking at me with different eyes, making wrong assumptions, etc. I get this tiny feeling of panic sometimes after I hit "Publish Post" that maybe, just maybe, I shouldn't have put myself out there for the whole world to see...which is literally a possibility.
Then I realized that if I'm ever going to be the kind of writer that I want to be I have to be real. Not stupid, but real. We all have those skeletons in our closets that, frankly, I think should stay there. When I say "real", I mean not holding back my emotions and what I feel that the Lord is telling me to write. Writing is healing for me. The pain disorder that I deal with demands a constant purging of repressed emotions and if I don't do that I pay for it with pain. Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to just let a bunch of word vomit come out into my blog just because I happen to have a lot of "feelings" one day. I just want you to know that what I write is real and it comes from my heart.
When I talk about Jesus, God, the Lord, etc., it's not to show how holy I am. It's because He is the reason behind my entire life. No, He IS my entire life. Wouldn't you feel compelled to talk about your best friend? When I talk about my pain it's not because I want a pity party. Believe me, I've had enough of them on my own and it's not something I want to invite anyone to. I talk about my pain because it's something very real that I deal with on a daily basis. I refuse to say that it's "part of me" because I'm hoping that someday it won't be. I don't ever want to concede to this disorder, but it is what I deal with and I can't just "think" it away. When I talk about my opinions, it's simply because it's my opinion and I wanted to share it. The bottom line is, I want people to be inspired, challenged maybe, encouraged and blessed by reading this blog.
Ok, so wow. I have no idea what brought all that on but, there you have it. : ) What I wanted to talk about is a book that I just finished reading called, "90 Minutes In Heaven" by Don Piper. Don was a man who died instantly in a car accident and was pronounced dead at the scene, covered by a tarp, and left to deal with "later" when the officials had finished tending to the other people involved. The book is his account of what happened when he died, his experience in Heaven, his horrific recovery from his injuries, and how he used it all for God's glory. He remembers seeing headlights, and the next instant, he was standing in Heaven. He goes on to describe his account of being in Heaven, and then waking up to the sound of a man singing, someone holding his hand, and the sound of his own voice joining in with the old hymn that the stranger was singing to him.
This book had a tremendous impact on me for several reasons. I'm only going to focus on one for now. There was a man who came upon the scene of the accident and asked the officials if there was anything he could do. He was a pastor who had attended the same conference as Don Piper that morning. The policeman told him about the injured people and said they were all doing ok. The pastor asked about the car under the blue tarp and the policeman told him not to bother with that one because the man had already been dead for 45 minutes. The man told the policeman that even though it may sound strange, he knew the Lord was telling him to pray for the man in the car. The policeman told him again, maybe thinking the guy didn't hear him the first time, that there was no point because the man was dead. The pastor insisted, and the policeman finally agreed.
The pastor couldn't believe what he was seeing, but most of all, he couldn't believe that God was asking him to pray for a dead man. But, he listened and obeyed and began to pray. God told him specifically what he was to pray for Don, and he prayed it. He prayed and sang for 45 minutes with his hand on Don's shoulder. That's the only part of Don he could reach because the car was so mangled. When he became aware that the dead man was singing with him, he bolted out of the car so fast that he wasn't even sure how, considering how carefully he'd had to maneuver himself to get to Don. He ran over to the policeman yelling, "He's alive! The dead man is alive and singing with me!" Of course the policeman looked at him like he was insane, but eventually agreed to go over and feel Don's pulse. As soon as he confirmed that he was indeed alive, everyone sprang into action.
That's as far as I will go in talking about the book. I highly suggest that you read it for yourself. The point that I wanted to get across from this section of the book is that the pastor heard from the Lord and then, even as foolish as he looked, obeyed God and prayed Don back to life. How often has God asked us to do things that on the surface may look totally stupid, hopeless, or pointless? What I learned from this pastor was to listen to God and do what He says no matter how stupid or pointless it may appear to my human mind. We never know how the Lord is wanting to use us. It could very well be to save another person's life.
There have been several times in my life where I admit that I felt a "nudge" by the Holy Spirit to pray right then and there about something or someone, or to go over and talk to a complete stranger, and I ignored that still, small voice. I flat out disobeyed. I've asked for forgiveness because I knew it was God telling me to do it, and yet I didn't do it. I'm sure not all of those times were life and death but what if they were? What if the person I was supposed to tell about Jesus in the parking lot of the grocery store got in their car and drove off, only to be killed on their way home? Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not feeling guilt and shame anymore, although I did in the past. And I'm not trying to guilt-trip you either. All I want to do is open our eyes to the importance of listening to the Lord and doing what He says, no matter what.
What if that pastor and his wife had just stayed in the car instead of walking to the accident scene? What if he would have disobeyed God and not insisted that he pray for Don? There were specific prayers God asked him to pray for things that he ended up answering later; miraculous things that the doctors couldn't understand because they defied all human logic. I wonder if there have been things that we've passed up out of fear, or pride, or whatever. I wonder how many opportunities have been presented to us that we didn't take. God will still get the job done no matter what our decisions are. I'm convinced of that. However, we will miss out on the many blessings he has for us if we can't humble ourselves and do what he's asking us to do. Sometimes he asks us to do things to teach us a lesson. Sometimes it's to show us how big he really is. Sometimes it's simply because he wants to know if we will trust him enough and just do what he says. All I know is that God will never ask you to do something that you can't do. Well, let me re-phrase. He'll never ask you to do something that he won't equip you to do.
There are plenty of excuses we can come up with when we hear the Lord speak. Ultimately, it's our choice whether or not we're going to do what he's asking us. Please do not feel condemned if you've done this before. I have done it many times. I am just determined now not to ever do it again. I know that God's grace and mercy are there for me when I fail, but I do not want to fail in this area again. God says in his Word, "...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." - Romans 3:22-24 It says "all" have sinned. So, don't be condemned. Watch what you are saying and doing and listen for that still, small voice on the inside of you. It's not just your "conscience" talking. If you have received Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you have the Holy Spirit inside of you to guide you and speak to you. You can trust him never to lead you in the wrong direction.
Don't underestimate God's ability or desire to use YOU to do something extraordinary. He has chosen us to share the good news with others. Even though we are weak, he gives us the power to do what he's asking us to do. We just have to keep in mind that this power comes from him, not us. We have to stay close to him and take the time to listen to him daily, because he's speaking all the time. Make it your goal to listen, then obey. Even if what he's asking seems completely ridiculous. You just never know what God has up his sleeve. Not just for others, for you too.
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