Don't Be Offended

Today was one of those mornings where I really wanted to read the Word, but didn't have a clue what to read.  So, I just opened my bible and landed in Proverbs.  I read a couple chapters until I came to one particular verse.  "An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel." ~ Prov. 18:19  Normally, this verse probably wouldn't have caught my eye.  However, over the past few days I've been feeling really "offended" by someone and have had the desire to begin a dispute.  Because this verse struck me so hard that I couldn't seem to read past it, I decided to research some of the words in this verse to get the full meaning behind it.  (You know how much I love to use my dictionary.)  Usually the commentary at the bottom of the page helps me out, but there is no commentary for this verse in my bible.

First, I looked up what a fortified city was.  Here is the description from Wikipedia:  A defensive wall is a fortification used to defend a city or settlement from potential aggressors. In ancient to modern times, they were used to enclose settlements. Generally, these are referred to as city walls or town walls, although there were also walls, such as the Great Wall of China, Hadrian's Wall, and the metaphorical Atlantic Wall, which extended far beyond the borders of a city and were used to enclose regions or mark territorial boundaries. Beyond their defensive utility many walls also had important symbolic functions — representing the status and independence of the communities they embraced.

Part of the Great Wall of China, a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

Defensive wall in Stargard Szczeciński, Poland.

Walls of Dubrovnik, Croatia.

Lugo roman walls, Galicia.

Please bear with me as I go through some definitions of words and pick this verse apart a bit.  I don't know about you, but even though I think I know the meaning of words, I like to look them up at times when it comes to scripture.  I believe every word in the bible is God-breathed and I really want to know what He was saying when he gave men the inspiration to write it.  I'm also a very visual person, which is why I'm posting some pictures in this post.

I looked up the word "unyielding."  It means, 1. Not compliant, submissive, or flexible: his unyielding attitude.  2. Not pliable or soft: a firm and unyielding surface. 

Next, I looked up "offended."  To offend someone is to:  1. Cause resentful displeasure; irritate, annoy, or anger: a remark so thoughtless it can only offend.  2. To err in conduct; commit a sin, crime, or fault.  So if someone did to you any of the above, you could call yourself offended.

Next, I looked up "citadel."  It is:  1. A fortress that commands a city and is used in the control of the inhabitants and in defense during attack or siege.  2. Any strongly fortified place; stronghold.  3. A stronghold within or close to a city.  4. Any strongly fortified building or place of safety; refuge.  5. A specially strengthened part of the hull of a warship.

 

The Citadel: Cairo, Egypt

Back side of The Citadel: Cairo, Egypt

Next, I looked up "dispute."  It's 1. A debate, controversy, or difference of opinion.  2. A wrangling argument; quarrel.

So let's put it all together, or try to anyway.  First, let's look at the verse again.  "An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel."  Now, let's read it again but this time we'll insert some of the definitions of the words I looked up.  A resentful, irritated, annoyed, or angered brother is more non-compliant, un-submissive, inflexible, un-pliable and harder than a city who has set up a massive defensive wall to defend itself against potential aggressors...and debates, controversies, wrangling arguments and quarrels are like the barred gates of a strongly fortified place; stronghold, or a fortress that commands a city and is used in the control of the inhabitants and in defense during attack or siege.

As I read over the verse again and again after defining all the terms, here is what I think the verse is saying:  It is pointless to argue with an offended person.  That's not what I originally thought the verse was saying.  At first I thought it was telling me that it was wrong to be an offended person because of how ugly it is to be an offended person.  That is true.  I also thought it was saying that disputes are about as pointless as trying to break into the barred gates of a citadel.  Also true.  But I think what the Holy Spirit has revealed to me is that the person who "offended" me is them self, very much offended; and that raising a dispute with this person would be as futile as breaching the walls of a fortified city.  Wow!

So, what do I do with this?  I'm still hurt by what this person has done.  I still have to deal with this person.  I can't make them an un-offended person.  So, what do I do?  If you read a little further into Proverbs 19, it says in verse 11, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."  Then in chapter 20, verse 3, it says "It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel."  I think my answer comes in chapter 26, verses 4 and 5.  "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.  5 Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes."  This is what the commentary says regarding these verses:  "These two verses seem to be in contradiction.  But the writer is saying that we shouldn't take a foolish person seriously and try to reason with his or her empty arguments.  This will only make him or her proud and determined to with the argument.  In some situations, you ought not to even try to answer a fool, for there is no way you can penetrate his or her closed mind (think, 'fortified city' or 'citadel'.)  You may, in fact, be stooping to that person's level if you do choose to answer.  Such a fool will abuse you and you will be tempted to abuse him or her in return (think, 'wrangling quarrel' or 'debate'.)  There are other situations where your common sense tells you to answer in order to expose the fool's pride and folly."

In my case, I think it's going to take a little bit of both.  But, more on the side of just keeping my mouth shut to disputes and forgiving the offense and moving on.  I would love to hear your comments on this verse and what it means to you.  I love digging around in the bible because sometimes what you initially see isn't really what the Lord wants to show you.  That's why he says in Proverbs 2 that if we look for wisdom as silver and search for it as hidden treasure, then we will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

At the risk of this post being even longer than it already is, here is a link to an article called "How to Overcome Being Easily Offended."  I thought it was interesting.  I've not researched the rest of the website, so I don't necessarily endorse all of the advice on it.  I just thought these suggestions were pretty good.  Again, I would love to hear your comments on this subject.  Let's all try to remember to simply love one another and be quick to forgive.  It's what Jesus would do.  : )

Some Questions To Ask Yourself:
Are you easily offended?
Do you build, or have you built up walls around your heart to protect yourself from potential aggressors?
Do you look for reasons to be offended?
Can you forgive someone easily?
Is your heart hardened as the walls of a fortified city?
Have you allowed offenses to become strongholds?