Day 15: Don't Borrow From Tomorrow

I am continually amazed at the mercy and faithfulness of God to carry me through each day. Over the past couple years, I've learned how to trust Him with every part of my being. I've learned this kind of trust through intense suffering of many kinds. It's been no picnic, but as I exercise this new trust in my Savior, I feel myself being continually strengthened. Every time I put my trust in him, he delivers me again, which builds my trust even more. It builds my courage. It lessens my anxieties. Even though most of my circumstances are the same as they were two years ago, my attitude is completely different. Don't get me wrong. I still have those "days" when I'm not exactly looking at life through rose-colored glasses; more like scuba goggles underwater for all the tears in my eyes. I'm still human, after all. But those days are becoming fewer and fewer.

Another lesson I've learned more recently is that I can only face my days with the grace and strength God has given me for that day. Not yesterday's strength, not tomorrow's grace, and not next week's favor. God gives us what we need for today and today only. I've learned the hard way not to try to borrow strength and grace from another time. I've learned that his grace really is sufficient for every moment of every day. And some days really are moment to moment. Especially when I'm in a lot of pain.

In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, The Bible tells us that Paul was given a thorn in his flesh, some kind of illness or disease. It doesn't tell us what it was, but it was painful and a hindrance to his ministry. In verse 8, Paul pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from him. God answers him in the first part of verse 9. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Then Paul goes on to say, Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I didn't know the true meaning of those scriptures until I actually experienced the power that Paul is talking about for myself. When God said, "My power is made perfect in weakness," I wasn't sure what that meant. But now that I've finally come to a place in my walk with God where I completely give myself over to him in those moments of weakness, I have been able to experience the power that he was talking about. It's not superwoman human power. It's not some hokey religious power, or some spooky Holy Spirit mumbo jumbo. It's a quiet power. It's a knowing that God is really right here beside me, helping me, lifting me up, protecting me. It's a covering of my mind, body, soul, and spirit. It enables me to withstand the attacks of the enemy and hold my ground. 

When you let God into your weakest moments, that is where you will find His strength. When you choose not to let him in, and you try to handle things on your own, you will only find heartache and disappointment. You will feel like a failure. God does not want you to feel like that! Especially when he's offering you the opportunity to experience his power in such an awesome way. No wonder Paul said that he would boast all the more gladly about his weaknesses, even to the point of saying that he delights in them! He had the power of God resting on Him! I'm telling you, now that I know what that feels like, I have begun to look at my weaknesses in a whole new light. And it's amazing.

I don't know if I mentioned it before, but this is the week that my daughter, Hailey, is in her big school play. They had dress rehearsal Monday night and tonight at the middle school where they'll be performing. It's only a ten minute drive, but when my feet and legs felt like they did at 4:30 this afternoon, ten minutes seemed like an hour. I knew in advance that my husband wasn't going to be able to drop her off these past two nights and that it would be up to me to drive her there. In the past, this would have caused massive anxiety just from the thought of being the sole person responsible for getting her to rehearsal on time. And, honestly, I was prepared for that. Why? Because it's been the pattern of my life for the last 37 years. 

When something has been a pattern, even though I've learned these things I've been telling you about, it can take a while for the pattern to change. But the pattern is changing. I can feel it, I know it. I have peace where I once had distress. I have hope where I once had despair. Through the many times I've placed my trust 100% in the Lord, and the many times his power has "rested" on me, it's changing my old ways of thinking. It's strengthening me in advance so that I don't even worry about whether or not God is going to come through for me. I just know he will. Like he came through for me tonight. I drove Hailey to her rehearsal and even made it into the school to talk to the people I needed to talk to. Was it easy? No! Was it painful? Yes! BUT, God was with me and I knew it. I knew I was going to be ok.

Tomorrow is Opening Night of Hailey's play, with the encore on Friday night. In my mind, the enemy is trying his hardest to discourage me about being able to make it to both nights. He knows my patterns. He knows where I'm vulnerable. However, because I've chosen not to try to borrow strength from tomorrow, and because I've chosen to hand over my weaknesses to the Lord, 100%, I know that I surely will be at both of my daughter's performances because that's where I want to be! That's where God wants me to be. Cheering on my precious girl who has overcome so many things just to be in this play. I have the power of God resting on me, and Satan can't touch that. I can't wait to see my beautiful girl up on that stage. 

I have so many examples of how the Lord helps me throughout the day. It's hard to list them all. Most of the time, it's the small things that add up over time and make my trust grow. Maybe I will write more in another blog post. I will leave you with a final scripture and then I'm off to bed.

But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. You are my strength, I sing praise to you; you, God, are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely. ~ Psalm 59:16-17

Until tomorrow then...

Love,

Tracie