Day 4: Hailey Is My Hero

I'm sorry this post wasn't up yesterday as planned. I had some technical glitches, and then found myself wanting to revise it. So, here it is. Day 5 will be posted later this evening... :)

It seems like every morning when the girls get on the bus, I come back home questioning myself again about whether or not I should have sent Hailey to school. This has become a daily question and a daily prayer topic. I wish I could download into your mind all that has happened with her in the past eight months. If you follow me on Facebook, you most likely know at least part of her story. However, if you're new to my blog, and would like to read her story from the beginning, here is the link to my Facebook Group Page, Hailey's Journey .

July of 2013 began bright, beautiful, and hot. Just the way a Virginia Beach summer should be. Hailey and Sarah attended a two-week course of indoor swimming lessons and then began a summer camp program the next week. All seemed to be going so well. Hailey and Sarah love the summer camp at our Church, Wave Church. They look forward to it every year.

On July 22nd, Hailey came home complaining of really itchy bumps on her face and neck. Little did we know what was to come next. The rash that invaded her body lasted 45 days. It was severely itchy and burning and nothing seemed to help. This began numerous trips to our local children's hospital, Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters (CHKD.) Eventually, the rash turned into a full-body staph infection. Not long after was when the severe abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, hives, nose bleeds, migraines, rage, brain fog, and a whole lot of emotional issues began.

After months of testing, being scared by her Doctors, numerous blood draws and IV's, 911 calls and an ambulance ride, we are finally getting some answers. In the meantime, she is still suffering so much. The rashes come and go. Thankfully, by the grace of God and our interceding for her, they have stayed pretty localized and haven't spread to her whole body. She has a stomach ache and is nauseated every day. She is dizzy all the time and gets terrible headaches. She still gets nosebleeds out of the blue. But, her main concern is how tired she is despite a solid night's sleep each night. She told me today that she's frustrated because she can't focus in school. She says it's so loud and she tries to listen to the teacher, but she can't focus on what she's saying. She begged me to tell her how to get rid of the dark circles under her eyes. She's worried about her grades, which have gone down a little bit. Worst of all, she's starting to have panic attacks. If Josh or I are near her and get to her fast enough, we can soothe her and calm her down.

She worries so much about everything. She worries about me and my health. She worries about her Papa (my Dad), who's fighting brain cancer. She worries about what her friends think of her because of her being "different" with having Celiac Disease. She told me last night as we were lying in her bed that she's afraid of dying. She said, "I'm not afraid of Heaven. I just don't want to die. I don't want to feel the pain of dying." She kept asking me why God would allow her to be in pain every day. Then she asked why God would allow me to be in pain every day. My heart broke for her. She reminds me so much of how I was as a little girl. I worried about everything and had so much anxiety. I know how awful it was to have to go to school feeling so badly in my body. Somehow, I got through it. But now, as I see my daughter get on the bus with tears in her eyes, knowing she has to face another day, it just tears me up.

I have met with her school principal, teachers, nurse, and school counselor to come up with a game plan for the rest of this year. I had to meet with them because of how many days of school she's missed so far this year. Her school is amazing! The support they have shown us has been tremendous and I am so thankful for that. However, even with all the support, it still doesn't take Hailey's pain away. Josh and I are praying for wisdom from God about what we should do for next year. I have no doubt that he will make known to us the right path. In the meantime, we are still gathering answers that will hopefully prove to be what solves this awful mystery that she is walking through. Above all, we are trusting God for her complete healing.

As I was lying next to her that night when she was asking me all the questions, a thought occurred to me. Had I never gone through what I've gone through in my own body, and allowed God to be my complete source and Rock through it all, I wouldn't have had a clue how to answer my sweet baby's questions. In that moment, I was thankful for every day of pain I've endured over the past 19 years. I thanked God that I am a mother who can empathize with her child and encourage her in the Lord the way I've been encouraged.

Hailey has amazing strength. She is my hero. I am so glad God allowed me to be her Mother. I have the awesome privilege of passing on to her the lessons that I've learned from suffering, and her life is better because of that. She is one of the most compassionate children I know. She is one of the kindest children I know. She becomes friends with the kids at school who don't have friends. She is amazing, and the call on her life is very special. If everything I've gone through was simply because Jesus knew what my little girl was going to go through, and the type of Mom she was going to need because of it, then I would go through it again.

I will leave you with a few scriptures. Until tomorrow then...

Love,

Tracie

2 Corinthians 1:3-4:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

2 Corinthians 1:10b-11:
On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.