Day 5: Great Expectations

Given that today is Sunday, a day when I spend a lot of time with my family, and the fact that Hailey wasn't feeling well at all tonight, I am going to "cheat" for Day 5 and choose a post from the archives. The following post is from April of 2010. I tweaked it a bit to make it current and I hope it encourages you... :) 

This morning was my "Mom's Group" cell group. I had the privilege of teaching the devotion. The chapter was titled, "Heavily Ever After." Basically, the author was talking about how "Happily Ever After" seems to be more like "Heavily Ever After" in that we are shocked sometimes about the way our lives have turned out, or about trials that we may be facing. We think to ourselves, "This is certainly NOT what I bargained for when I took this job, or married 'this' spouse, or gave birth to 'these' kids! This isn't working out the way I had planned! This wasn't supposed to happen this way!" Etc., etc., etc. Believe me, I have my own list.

It is so easy to complain when things don't go the way we planned. My husband and I have actually had discussions about this topic lately. I asked him if he ever thinks about what life would have been like if he had married the woman he thought he was going to end up with. I've been thinking about that the past couple weeks regarding the man I thought I was going to marry. Instead, that man dumped me and I rebounded with a bad guy and ended up in a terrible marriage that totally changed me for life. And yet, had those things not happened the way they did, I would have never ended up with the wonderful husband I have now, and the wonderful children I have now.

I think it's ok to have these moments in time where we want to dig back into the past and think, "What if..." It's ok as long as we don't stay there for very long. Everyone is going to have those thoughts now and then because it's a normal, natural thing that happens sometimes. But, I was starting to realize that I was thinking about it a little too much. "Dwelling," so to speak. Dwelling is never a good thing when your focus is in the wrong place. The only dwelling we really need to be doing is to be "dwelling in the shelter of the Most High." (See Psalm 91:1-2 below.) To dwell means to reside. Do you think "residing" in the past is a good idea? No, it's not. The past is the past. It's not meant to dwell upon.

It can go both ways...Let's say you had something really great happen in your past, or you had some great years. If you are dwelling on the fact that you had all these great things "back then", but you don't have them anymore, or maybe you wish you could go back and re-live "the glory days" and it's causing you to be ungrateful or negative about your present situation, then that is not good! Even dwelling on past positive events can lead to the destruction of your future.

Ok, so I got off on a tangent there. : ) I am mostly talking about our expectations. What we expect to happen, and what actually ends up happening can be (and usually are) completely different. Not always, but mostly it seems. What we need to do is focus our expectation in the right place. We can't think that we have all the answers. We can't think that even though we may plan and plan down to the very last detail, that things are always going to end up perfect. "Life" gets in the way of our plans and dreams sometimes.

When I was 18 years old, I thought I had everything all worked out. I was going to marry the blond-haired, blue-eyed man I was in love with and make beautiful blond-haired, blue-eyed babies. We were going to live on the water and he was going to teach and I was going to sell real estate. He had an amazing family that I got along really well with who were fully prepared to embrace me as a member of their family (and pretty much already had.) It was going to be "perfect." Then one day, we went on a hike. It was a long, steep trek up the mountain, but so worth it when we got to the top. The view was breathtaking! On the way down, I was stepping on several tree roots, rocks, sticks, etc. for hours and ended up at the doctor a couple weeks later with severe pain in my right foot. It turned out I had a stress fracture in the bottom of my foot. It was supposed to heal in six weeks, but alas, it only got worse. After about 6 months of constant pain, my "love" started not to love me so much anymore because I couldn't continue to do the things we used to do together. I was in too much pain all the time.

Things went downhill from there and he eventually broke up with me because of my injury. My dreams were shattered. It certainly was not the "happily ever after" that I thought was coming. A few months later, I met the dark-haired, big muscled, deep voiced man who swept me off my feet and promised to love me no matter what we went through. He had a son and I became a step-mom. Things were ok for a few months and then all hell broke loose, literally. I was living my worst nightmares and thought I was going to be trapped forever. But, the Lord delivered me out of that abusive marriage and I am forever grateful for His love and mercy.

Eventually, I met and married my husband Josh. Josh is the one that God intended for me to marry all along. He is my soul mate in every way. He is the real deal and has proved his love for me over and over again. Has our marriage been easy? Heck, NO! Far from it. But, his love for the Lord and the fact that our marriage is based on the Lord has seen us through our darkest hours. Josh has a very strong personality and I know for certain that I would never have been able to be married to him had I not gone through what I went through with my previous relationships. I have to say, the thought of getting married again was intensely scary to me. I didn't want to take the risk of being rejected again. That's why I prayed and prayed. I "dwelled" in the shelter of the Most High and sought the Lord's wisdom on what I should do. I asked him if Josh was the man I was supposed to marry. He said yes. I asked again and again and the only answer I ever got was yes. So, we got married.

It's been almost 13 years since we said, "I do" and I am in awe of where our lives have been, and where they are now. My expectations and the outcome are totally different, but not in a bad way. Sometimes our expectations don't line up with God's will, and therefore, don't happen. And sometimes, God goes beyond our expectations and blesses us more than we ever thought possible. It's our decision whether or not we are going to trust him with our life or not.

Now, almost 13 years and two beautiful, blond-haired, blue-eyed girls later (see how that worked out)...we are living our lives for the Lord and following His lead every day. We are planted in an amazing church and are doing all we can with what we have. Do I still have pain? Yes. Lots of it. Do I still wish that certain things had turned out differently? Yes. Do Josh and I have a perfect marriage? No. Are we committed to each other and the Lord no matter what our present circumstances? Absolutely.

What are your expectations? Can you let them go? How are you handling things when life throws you a curve ball? How well do you function in a trial? Can you trust God with your circumstances and ultimately, your entire life? Here's why you should.

Psalm 103:1-18

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children - with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all."

We receive all these things from God without deserving any of them. No matter how difficult things get on this journey of life, we can always count our blessings.

Psalm 91:1-2

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'"

Until tomorrow then...

Love,

Tracie