Even though it really wasn't something I should have had to worry about, I felt the need to defend myself. I explained my side of the conversation out of sheer hope that maybe I could save the situation from going into another downward spiral, and save an important relationship as well. I mean, things are hanging by a thread as it is. Have you ever been there? It's a really lousy place to be. Now there are all these little question marks up in the air again about my intentions, the other party's intentions, things said, things not said... on and on it goes. I didn't have any intentions in the first place. I was used, plain and simple. And that hurts.
This is one of those moments where I take a deep breath, knowing that what is done cannot be undone and that I can only control my actions and not anyone else's. I have my integrity, and that will have to be enough. In this next moment, I go to the scriptures that have been on my heart all day today. Now I know why.
This is Paul praying for the Ephesians...I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. ~ Ephesians 3:16-21.
I am so thankful for God's love. God's love is total. It reaches every nook and cranny of our experiences. It is wide - it covers the expanse of our own experience, and it reaches out to the whole world. God's love is long - it lasts for our entire life. It is high - it rises to the heights of our joy and celebrations. His love is deep - it reaches to the very depths of our discouragement, despair, and even death. You can never be lost to God's love.
When someone uses you, twists your words, tries to stir up drama between you and another person time and time again, for completely unknown reasons, it hurts. And it's very easy to become offended. But, God commands us to love one another as he loves us. Wide, long, high, and deep.
This is My commandment: that you love one another [just] as I have loved you. ~ John 15:12 (AMP)
Above all things have intense and unfailing
love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards
the offenses of others]. ~ 1 Peter 4:8 (AMP)
Is it easy to do what God commands? No. Not always. Especially if it's a repeat offense. But, it's possible. He wouldn't command us to do something and not give us what we need in our hearts to do it. Our job is to forgive as quickly as possible and then keep our hearts soft towards the one who has hurt us. Soft, yet (in my opinion) guarded. God doesn't say we have to immediately extend trust to a person who has hurt us. He says we must be quick to forgive, and then love as he loves.
For the rest of today, I'm going to bask in the love of God. I'm going to sit in His presence and get all the nooks and crannies of my heart and mind filled up so that I can move forward in this situation in a way that will be pleasing to Him. Not just that, but when you've been hurt, you need to be comforted, and the Holy Spirit is the best one for the job. Maybe a cup of tea, too. Until tomorrow then...
Love,
Tracie
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